People have been positioning their boundaries as far back as time goes, because boundaries are built out of necessity to establish self-respect, peace and self-preservation.
But I’ve seen to some degree, since the onset of COVID, that the need for boundaries has escalated. Women have shared stories with me about friendships gone awry, nasty neighbors gossiping untruths in social circles, or vicious vixens sabotaging co-workers in the office. I’ve seen it occur first-hand and have also experienced it. And let me tell you – it’s hard, hard.
Here’s the thing.
We all are or should be, continuously changing. Changing -- to evolve and grow into the truest version of ourselves. This thing-called-life is our own personal journey and it’s something to be proud of. It’s absolutely, something to celebrate!
The cold hard truth of the matter is, not everyone is going to grow, change and evolve with, or as you do. There will be people who like to stay put just as they are and may be threatened, jealous, or don’t like the new you. Sure, you may think, “Well if this or that happens... then they’ll change.” OR “I can make them change.” Wrong! You’ll continuously be playing the waiting game and will always, be disappointed.
Waiting for someone to catch up or act appropriately to you, is a disrespect to yourself. When you lack boundaries you lack self-respect. Which is why you overlook the disrespect that’s thrown at you, because it’s easy to lose yourself when you’re hanging onto something or someone, who’s not right for you.
That’s harsh but it’s also, 100% the truth.
So, who’s behavior do you have control over? Only your own!
It’s in that, you teach people how to treat you, by modeling your own self-respect.
So yes, Queen, you’re allowed to terminate toxic relationships!
It can be very difficult to put boundaries in place. But sis, if you don’t do it for yourself.... no one else will.
100%, this is also true at work! If you’re in a working situation that feels psychologically un-safe, where you feel fearful, like you’re walking on egg-shells, or aren’t being accepted for who you are... Taking care of you, should be your first priority.
Instilling boundaries is a tough thing to talk about.
Boundaries are hard to initiate and additionally hard to keep in place.
Boundaries can be especially difficult if those in ‘your circle,’ don’t like the new rules that you’ve established.
But do you really need to talk about it? Do you need to tell the whole-wide-world that you’re putting a boundary in place?
Nope. I don’t think so.
There are lots of things that end for no particular reason other than the time has come to an end. You’ll know when it’s time to close a chapter on a relationship or set up a boundary to change the way things currently are. Sure, there will be some people who get mad at you for not being who they want you to be. They may feel excluded or left out because they’re impacted by your new parameters. But living by the rules of others, and not your own, is one of the biggest forms of self-betrayal.
⁉️So, what are you willing to put up with? 👑
Here are a few things you can reevaluate or stop doing to help gain personal peace and begin to put your boundary-setting-goals in place.
Holding onto people you’ve outgrown because of ‘history or invested time’
Putting time and energy into 1-side relationships
Accepting or excusing poor behavior just because ‘they’ve always acted that way’
Trying to fix people or change people
Terminating your own boundaries to fit in with others
Overcommitting (time, energy, money)
Over-thinking past events or things that can’t be changed
Comparison to others
Going along to get along
“Sometimes we get stuck fretting over what we can’t resolve, when the real resolution would come from accepting what we really want is release, not repair.” -Rachael Maddox
This-thing-called-life, it’s your own personal journey.... don’t live it on auto-pilot, Queen.
Be ok if others feel threatened that you’ve changed or no longer understand you. Those that know you – know you. They still have your back, love and support you, as you do them. Life is too short to feel bad or to be around people who aren’t good for your mental health. So it’s very important to note, who you’re giving your time and energy to.
♥️ There is love in holding on and there’s love in letting go.
Don’t use your energy to worry. Use your energy to create, trust, believe, grow, glow manifest and heal. Realizing people aren’t meant for you, and not resenting them for it. That’s true growth.
You already are. It’s time TO BE.♥️ P.S. Stay tuned for my next blog out in May about female relationships.