What I Know Now About the Friendships Successful Women Quietly Lose on the Way Up
- May 6
- 3 min read
No One Talks About This Part The friend who isn’t really your friend anymore even though you still know everything about her and love her from afar. The one who betrayed you. The one you slowly drifted from. The one you still care about but don’t quite recognize how you fit into each other’s lives anymore.
It Doesn’t Always Happen At Once Perhaps, it wasn’t one moment at all. Maybe it was motherhood. Aging parents. Work that kept expanding. A schedule that filled your life before you even realized what it was crowding out.
And then one day, in a moment of stillness, you realize you don’t have the same kind of friendships you used to.
Sometimes There’s No Ending, Just Silence
There wasn’t a conversation. Nothing was said. I just realized one day, I couldn’t find her anymore. I was ghosted, blocked. There was history there, things that were never really addressed. But she was just gone, with no explanation or closure. And somehow, something that small felt like a much bigger loss.
The Ones That Quietly Shift You might think about:
The friend you used to talk to every day, but now it’s birthdays and occasional texts
The group that made sense when your kids were little
And now the kids have changed, but the relationships are still there in this strange, in-between way
You still see and know each other. But something about it feels off. It’s a little forced or performative. Like you’re holding onto something that no longer fits the same way that it used to.
It’s Still A Loss Sometimes the loss of a friendship can feel just as deep as the loss of a romantic relationship. That’s because it is a relationship.
At some point I noticed something had shifted. I was thinking before I spoke and replaying things after I said them. Trying to read her tone or gauge her reactions about what might set something off. And then it hit me, I wasn’t relaxed in the friendship anymore.I was managing it. And in some ways, it was managing me.
What I Know Now It’s not just that friendships change. It’s that the version of you that those friendships were built around, changes too. And many high-achieving women don’t stop to grieve that. We adapt, carry on and stay busy, layered in a kind of armor that keeps everything moving. But underneath it all, there’s often a quiet sense of loss that was never named out loud.
The Deeper Truth It’s not just that you’ve lost certain friendships. It’s that somewhere along the way you may have stopped creating the kind of friendships you actually need now. Not convenient or circumstantial. But the kind where you don’t have to carry the emotional tone by performing or always being the strong one.
At some point I started to notice that what I was craving wasn’t more time or even more people. It was something else. Conversations where I didn’t have to filter myself. Relationships where I wasn’t the one holding everything together. Moments where I could show up exactly as I was without managing the space around me.
❓If you're being honest, who comes to mind? Do you have friendships that feel like they’ve quietly shifted? Which ones have faded, even if they technically still exist? When was the last time you felt truly met in a friendship?
And the reality is, instant friendships typically don't just happen by accident anymore. Not at this stage. It’s something women inherently crave, though. Yet it’s something you have to purposely choose and step into, with intention.
It’s Not Too Late
Even if it doesn’t happen by accident, it’s not too late to have it again. It happens when you purposely choose spaces where you don’t have to hold everything together on your own.
What’s Coming Next
Over the next few weeks, I’ll be talking more about this. About what we stop letting ourselves want, or about being in rooms where we don’t have to lead, and about the kinds of spaces that actually allow that to happen.
For Now, Just Notice
Just notice what this brings up for you. Because most women don’t talk about this part.But almost all of them have felt it.
♥️Today I will be fearless.
Today I am grateful.
P.S. Are you trying to better understand and improve the female dynamics on your team, follow me on LinkedIn to learn more!
#psychologicalsafety, #empoweringwomen, #connection, #redefiningsuccess, #leadership, #lonelinessatthetop
Comments