What I Know Now About What High-Achieving Women Stop Letting Themselves Want
- May 14
- 3 min read
“I forgot I had dreams. I forgot I had wings.” -Kelsea Ballerini (Miss Me More, 2017)
At some point, many high-achieving women stop letting themselves want certain things.It’s not because they don’t need them anymore. It’s because somewhere along the way they got swept up in the role of being ‘the responsible one.’
So these independent women adapted. They became overly capable and self-sufficient. Eventually, they stopped noticing what they quietly gave up along the way.
The Things Women Quietly Stop Wanting
It’s not about riches, fame, or being perfect. These women want something less tangible. They want the things that don’t need to be earned. Like being seen, and not being ‘on’ all the time. It’s about not carrying the emotional weight of their relationships, or being in rooms where someone always wants something from them.
A woman I know recently shared,
“I don’t ask for help. It began when my children were young. If I needed help with something, I wanted someone to take over and just do it. But when I found myself explaining what or how things needed to get done, it was just easier to do it myself. That started a pattern that has carried over into my professional life.”
In reference to what she’d do if she could protect her younger self, another woman recently voiced:
“I was raised to think that life was perfect. That it all fits into a box and everything happens in order. If I had to tell my younger self anything, it’s that life is messy and that it doesn’t all fit into this nice little box. Nothing is perfect. It’s ok to know that and just enjoy the ride as much as you can.”
Women Become Very Good at Needing Less
As they get older, many women become extraordinarily good at needing very little from other people. It’s not because they don’t need the support. It’s because they’ve learned:
it’s easier not to ask
safer to not depend
simpler to carry it alone
This is especially true for the woman whom everyone else relies on, the ones who always look, ‘fine.’
The Problem Isn’t Capability
The problem isn’t that high-achieving women are too strong. The problem is that over time their strength quietly become their identity. They become the:
capable one
calm one
one who figures things out
one who makes it easier for everyone else
And after a while, many women stop asking themselves this very important question:👇🏼
What do I actually want now?
Personal Reflection
❓What do YOU miss?
❓What feels emotionally absent in your life right now?
❓What have you slowly convinced yourself you no longer need, all because you’ve become so used to going without it?
In a recent leadership cohort our conversation topic was: What did you believe that success would give you that you now understand differently? One woman shared:
“When I was younger it was all about making money. That’s nice but that’s not what gets me up every day. It’s about what makes me happy and feeds my soul. The personal connections I have and feeling like I have a purpose.”
What I Know Now
What I know now is this: Many women don’t stop wanting connection, support, vulnerability, or honesty. They just stopped making themselves a priority and over time they believed those things weren’t available to them anymore.
They settled for being the responsible one and getting everything done for everyone else. They carried, managed and performed. While quietly longing for something more honest underneath it all, often at the cost of their personal relationships or sense of self.
“This sky. This sky where we live is no place to lose your wings... so love, love, love.” -Hafiz
Closing
Over the next few weeks, I’ll be talking more about this. About what happens when women finally step into rooms where they don’t have to lead all the time and what becomes possible when they stop carrying everything alone.
Because spaces like that matter more than many women realize. And that’s why I created The HER Table Collective. A place where women in leadership can be honest about what they’re carrying, both professionally and personally, without feeling like they have to perform their way through it. For now… Just notice what this brings up for you.
♥️Today I will be fearless.
Today I am grateful.
P.S. Are you trying to better understand and improve the female dynamics on your team, follow me on LinkedIn to learn more!
#psychologicalsafety, #empoweringwomen, #connection, #redefiningsuccess, #leadership, #lonelinessatthetop
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