What I Know Now About Why Women Leaders Need A Place To Stop Leading
- 10 hours ago
- 4 min read
Some women become so good at leading that they forget what it feels like to simply ‘be.’ Be in places where they don’t have to read the room, manage, or carry the emotional load of everyone around them.
Just be.
Many high-achieving women spend years becoming exceptionally skilled at holding things together. They anticipate needs before they’re spoken. They soften tension. They help others feel comfortable. They keep things moving. They do this professionally, personally, and emotionally. And after a while, they no longer even realize they’re doing it because it’s so automatic.
The Exhaustion No One Really Talks About
The exhaustion isn’t always the work itself. Often, it’s the constant management of everyone else’s experience.
It’s the constant emotional awareness and juggling that no one else sees. It happens at work, home, socially, and even in spaces that are supposed to feel supportive. And over time, many women don’t realize the toll it’s taking on them. Especially how it impacts them, sometimes at the cost of their sense of self and personal relationships.
There have been moments recently where I’ve realized how difficult it’s become to fully let down my guard around other people. Even in rooms filled with people I love.
I remember sitting at a table during a family gathering, quietly emotional underneath the surface while still making conversation, still holding the energy of the room together, still making sure everyone else felt comfortable....all the while trying not to cry.
And it hit me later how automatic that had become. How automatic I’d become and how rare it felt to simply relax emotionally and stop carrying everyone else for a moment.
When Leadership Stops Being A Role At some point, leadership stops becoming a role and quietly becomes a nervous system. You become the one who:
is dependable
is calm
figures things out
makes life easier for everyone else
And eventually, many women no longer know how to stop being the strong one. Not because they don’t know how to be vulnerable but because, they’ve spent years being rewarded for their composure, capability and self-sufficiency.
Strength slowly becomes their identity.
The Loneliness Of Always Being The Strong One
I think this is one of the loneliest parts of leadership for many women because it’s not simply responsibility. It’s the feeling that you’re rarely fully held by anyone else emotionally, because you’re so accustomed to being the one holding everything and everyone else together. Women often say things to me like:
“I didn’t realize how much I needed this.”
“I forgot what it felt like to exhale around other people.”
“I didn’t realize how much energy I was spending managing everyone else.”
Those statements are deeper than they first appear, because they reveal how rare emotional ease can be for many high-achieving women.
“It’s one of the few places where no one wants anything from me.” -HER Table Collective, Executive Leader Member
Women are emotionally exhausted. Not because they’re weak. But because they’ve spent years carrying emotional responsibility for everyone around them.
They’re craving spaces where they don’t have to be “on” all the time. Where they feel seen, where they can speak honestly and can finally let their guard down. Where no one wants anything from them.
Women Leaders Don’t Always Need Another Room Where They Have To Shine
Women leaders don’t always need another room where they have to shine. Sometimes they need a room where they can finally soften. A room where they:
don’t have to carry the conversation
don’t have to emotionally manage everyone else
don’t have to perform strength constantly
can simply be honest about what they’re carrying
And honestly?
I think many women have forgotten what that even feels like anymore.
Reflection Section
❓When was the last time you felt you could exhale around other people?
❓Where in your life are you still performing strength, even when you’re exhausted?
❓What would it feel like to step into a room where you didn’t have to lead every moment of your life?
❓What would it feel like to be in a room with like-minded, bad-assed women, where you truly felt seen?
What I Know Now What I know now is this: Many women leaders are carrying far more than their title. And the exhaustion they feel isn’t weakness, it’s the accumulated weight of years spent:
leading
managing
anticipating
supporting
carrying
performing strength for everyone else around them
Even the strongest women need places where they don’t have to hold everything together, alone.
That’s why I created The HER Table Collective.
It’s not another networking group.
It’s not another space where women feel pressure to perform or prove themselves.
It’s sanctuary. A place where thoughtful, high-achieving women can have honest conversations about what they’re carrying, professionally and personally, without feeling like they always have to lead the room.
Because what I’ve found is that some of the most meaningful shifts happen when women finally stop performing strength constantly and remember what it feels like to stop leading for a moment and just be.
For now, notice what this brings up for you.
♥️Today I will be fearless.
Today I am grateful.
P.S. Are you trying to better understand and improve the female dynamics on your team, follow me on LinkedIn to learn more!
#psychologicalsafety, #empoweringwomen, #connection, #redefiningsuccess, #leadership, #lonelinessatthetop
Comments