🥊The impact of female rivalry packs a big punch! It doesn’t matter if you experience it at work, socially, or from a family member, it makes you feel broken and sad, like you’ve lost yourself. My personal definition of female rivalry is,
“One woman minimizing another woman so they both feel small – smaller than they really are.”
In the research I’ve conducted women have shared they feel the following when dealing with a female bully,
They can’t fine their voice.
They’ve lost their joy.
Their world is grey.
🥺Many women have also shared they felt hopeless and confused, like they hit rock-bottom but couldn’t clearly identify ‘why.’ As you may have also guessed, there are huge mental health impacts associated with negative female rivalry behaviors. Even if you experienced the behavior at a younger age, it can stay with you as an adult.
⁉️When experiencing this behavior many women ask themselves, “What have I done wrong to initiate this negative behavior?” The answer to that, is nothing. Even though it feels awful, ‘her’ behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with ‘her.’
⁉️But do you know dear reader, what every single woman shared about her experience of female rivalry? She felt alone. We feel lonely when we feel like we don’t belong or don’t connect to others.
“Loneliness is not the physical absence of other people. It’s the sense that you’re not sharing anything that matters with anyone else.” -Johann Hari
It’s common that women who are recipients of this type of behavior often do not speak about their experience until it’s behind them. It’s common that women in this situation withdraw from others and experience deep feelings of isolation. Women who experience female rivalry often feel like: they can’t trust other women; they don’t have true female friends; or they won’t work for another woman, ever again. And that dear reader, is simply tragic. A meta-analysis study (2015) on loneliness by researchers Holt-Lunstad, Smith & Layton, highlights the fundamental need to belong,
“Living with air pollution increases your odds of dying early by 5%. Living with obesity increases your odds of dying early by 20%. Excessive drinking increases your odds of dying by 30%. Loneliness increases your odds of dying by 45%.”
Women have shared they no longer trusted themselves. Because they were the target of such mean and spiteful behaviors, they must be doing something inappropriate, they must be doing something to attract it or, there must be something wrong with them.
Frequently when we’re hurt by someone, the first thing that’s easy to do is point blame at ourselves and ask, “Why did I let that behavior occur?” The fact of the matter is, giving someone that benefit of the doubt doesn’t mean we let them hurt us. It simply means we trusted them not to. It’s very easy in a rivalrous situation, to place blame internally, instead of extending ourselves the grace we deserve.
⁉️So how does you overcome mean girl behaviors? The female sisterhood IS out there! The female sisterhood fosters feelings of belonging which in turn, helps you not feel lonely. It’s up to you though, to go behind frenemy lines, to uncover and embrace it.
Change the perception: This is about looking inward via self-reflection.
Stop your inner-she-bully! Women who like themselves like other women!
Manifest positive actions in your own behavior! Whatever you focus on is what you’re bringing to your reality. When it comes to your tribe, you get to choose the types of close relationships you have with other women.
Honor current friendships! Look at your current friendships, near or far, they don’t just stay afloat on their own.
Get your date on! Join new networking groups or try new activities or things that you are interested in, to meet fellow-sister-soul-mates.
Getting together with your girlfriends takes time, energy and work. But yes, Queen!👸🏻♥️ I know, YOU can do it. We need it, and we must take time, to make these connections occur! It’s not only vital for your well-being and health to do so, it lets you find the right circle of women so you know, you’re not alone.
You already are. It’s time TO BE.♥️
I say that it’s time to be different. It’s time to talk about what female rivalry is, to know how to break it down one action at a time.
⁉️Interested in learning how ‘female rivalry’ impacts the workplace? 🎉DOWNLOAD my FREE .pdf guide, ‘5 Reasons WHY Good Women Walk’ to learn more!