This is Part III of a 3-post series about the good, bad and everything in-between, as it pertains to female friendships.
Do you have a boo, BFF or ‘special person’? Perhaps you have several of these soul sisters in your life depending upon the tribe, squad, or crew you hang out with? Maybe your bestie is situational? Meaning you have a favorite friend that you hang with, in various activities or social circles.
If you have this...
Yes, Queen! Kudos to you!
In the two previous posts in this series I talked about the red and white flags in female friendships – the negative aspects of female friendships. Now it’s time to flip that switch and get down to the juicy stuff. The true, feel-good-positive things in female friendships, the green flags.
So, you may be asking, what are green flags in a relationships?
Green flags are the opposite of red flags. In many situations a green flag indicates safety. In relationships a green flag indicates good traits about someone or something like, the willingness to consider others, communicate clearly, and have empathy and kindness. Relationship green flags are healthy signs showing evidence that it’s safe to proceed. Green flags apply to any relationship, in this situation however, I am referring to female friendships.
Now, think of your person.
What is it about her that draws you to her? Why do you feel good? What makes it work? Here are some green flags that indicate she’s good for your mental health and overall well-being. She,
Doesn’t judge and is open and honest
Respects your boundaries
Will let you talk about anything, listens with empathy and hears what you have to say
Isn’t competitive with you and is supportive of your success rather than threatened by it
Is happy (not jealous) that you have other friends
Doesn’t expect you to read her mind and communicates her feelings to you
Before venting, asks if you have the emotional capacity to listen to her
Has the ability to have an opposing side to something and not let that impact her feelings towards you
Here are some green flags that indicate how a good friend should make you feel. (Strong hint... She should make you FEEL like Wonder Woman Sis!!)
You may have a long ago BFF from kindergarten that to this day, is your ‘go to person.” Or maybe your bestie is someone you met last year, your new neighbor, that you now can’t imagine what your life was like before she was in it.
In all of this (in any relationship for that matter) keep in mind that you have to be true to you and who YOU are as a person. Additionally, the green flags have to be mutual for the friendship to be successful, to continue to grow and move forward.
If she’s keeping your deepest, dark secret safe, the trust factor has to be high and most definitely, has to be a two-way street. In this give-and-take, reciprocal type of friendship, YOU also have to do a self-check to ensure that you’ve got her best interest at heart and are making her feel the same way -- that she does for you!
Bottom line, when you are with a good friend you feel and you are -- 100% free to be completely yourself. You have the ability to be your quirky, sarcastic, awkward, weird, peculiar habit, unique sense-of-humor, talented, bad-ass, oddball self – and she accepts you for ALL that you are If that’s not the case Queen, she’s not your true friend. There’s someone else out there for you.
P.S. Stay tuned for my next blog when I talk about the types of Coping (part I) that you encounter when you deal with female rivalry.