Did you know that once we heal from physical pain, it ends? Emotional pain is different. We’re able to relive and feel that same emotional pain in the same manner that we did when it occurred, all over again, even years later. That type of hurt can stay with us much longer, possibly never decreasing in intensity.
If you’ve been bullied by a mean girl, (as that’s what this series is all about and is probably something that you didn’t ask to have happen to you in the first place). If you haven’t dealt with it, it has the potential to consume you. And that dear reader can leave you with an agonizing lump of pent of emotion that’s going down the nowhere slope, fast!
Yes, mean girls suck. Female rivalry can pack a wicked punch and dealing with it can drain the life right out of you. In fact, any negative situation that hurts you can be hard to overcome. The good news is, the choice is yours to make... take charge of the situation, or don’t.
This is the third, in a three-part series, about how women cope with female rivalry. Part I addressed immediate, in the moment type of coping. Part II addressed the long-term, get-on-with-your-life-coping. And Part III, talks about utilizing the coping skill of forgiveness.
Healing requires us to be honest with ourselves. It’s the ability to see and understand that some things we may be holding onto, are harming us. Although it’s hard, it’s ultimately your choice to decide to let go of something.
The action of coping is different for every person and forgiveness, an aspect of coping, also means different things to different people. Whatever it means to you, if you’re doing it, you’re uber aware of it. Meaning, (a.k.a. to forgive), is a voluntary action of your own accord.
Let’s cut to the chase here...
Just because you are forgiving someone, or a situation, doesn’t mean you have to forget what occurred or that you condone their behavior. Not at all. It simply means you’re making a conscious effort to move on.
Understanding unresolved trauma, how it impacts you and what that looks like in your life now, is the start to dealing with it. It’s instinctual to avoid pain, to not want to think about past negative events. However, accepting what’s happened and separating the past from the present, can lead to healing.
Facing trauma isn’t easy, but it helps you recover. It makes you feel stronger and more secure within yourself. You have to understand and face the trauma in order to forgive it.
Negative resentments evolving from past experiences can hold you back and cloud living in the present. This can impact you in some of the following ways:
Kill your enjoyment
Hold you back from experiencing love
Live in your body and cause illness
And you know what?! The absolute beauty of forgiving a situation or person, and contrary to popular belief… two people are not required for it to work. Read that again, please. Two people are not required for it to work! This is all about YOU.
Deciding whether to hold onto anger or releasing it, is a conscious choice. It’s not giving in or losing... anything. It’s letting go of negativity so it doesn’t consume you. Forgiveness frees YOU from ‘resentment prison.’ Ultimately, forgiveness is for the forgiver, and that is YOU. Not the other way around.
I firmly believe, it’s the variety of stories in your life that shape who you are and become. You can grow from them or you can let them consume you. To regain your sparkle, you must dear reader, let shit go. You have to carry on. You have to forgive. If you cannot forgive someone or the situation, years after it has occurred, then the fault is not on them, but on you.
You have to be critically conscious and understand the part you play in your story because you, and you alone, are accountable for your actions. Taking an unfavorable situation and turning it into a productive one is not done lightly. But a negative occurrence with someone can provide a good example of who you do not want to be.
To get over these types of negative behaviors, don’t get even—do better. Rise above. You may not be able to change another person’s actions but letting them know they are getting to you gives them control. Rising above and becoming engulfed in your own life and your own successes will help you leave the negativity behind. It will help you escape resentment prison… And fundamentally dear reader, that is how you win.
You already are. It’s time to be.
P.S. Stay tuned for my next blog out in January.