“In my blended family there was lots of animosity from my mom after my parent’s divorce, especially when my dad married 21-year-old-Lucy. I loved everything about her—she looked and acted so cool! My mom hated her. I instinctively knew...that I couldn’t bring up anything about Lucy to my mom.
When they got married, my mom said I wasn’t invited. I remember feeling very left out and unloved. Years later, my dad said, ‘Of course you were invited. Your mom wouldn’t let you go.’
My mom hated Lucy so much that she lashed out to hurt them by not letting me go to their wedding. Ultimately, I’m the one who got hurt.”
Joanna’s experienced a Controlling Frenemy who wants all the power. She makes all of the choices, wants to know where you are at all times, and gets upset when you make other plans without her.
⁉️I’m frequently asked, ‘Why do people have ‘frenemy’ relationships?’ There are lots of reasons but typically it’s because they have history, it’s hard to cut ties, guilt, fearful of conflict or, they’re simply unaware of the behavior.
⁉️But are they really, unaware? I think most people know how it feels when someone isn’t there for you or treats you poorly, it’s just hard to face.
This blog, ‘Are You Dealing With A Controlling Frenemy?’ is the 3rd in a 4-part series that dives into nine frenemy personas. The 1st blog provided an overview of all the personas, the 2nd described ambivalent and competitive frenemies, and this one addresses controlling, jealous and negative-difficult frenemies.
To recap, a ‘frenemy’ is the opposite of a friend and combines the characteristics of ‘friend’ and ‘enemy.’ It’s someone you don’t trust because they’ve given you very good reason to not trust them. It’s traditionally someone whom you may be friendly with, despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry, and has been used to describe personal and working relationships.
Let’s examine two more personas!
“There is a persecutor, victim, rescuer mentality about the relationships my mom has with her sisters. It’s always a rivalry to be on the top based on who has more. I think that because of our mothers, the relationship I have with my female cousin isn’t great. When things are neutral, or if I’m perceived as being ‘less than’ it’s okay. But if anyone else close to my cousin has ‘more than’ she does, she gets jealous.
My cousin’s good friend divorced, came into money and remodeled her home. My cousin was blatantly angry that her friend had the financial means to remodel. She said, ‘it’s not fair that she has this money, I should have it too.’
Melody shared an example of a Jealous Frenemy. When you have good news, she’s not excited—she’ll put you down, make you feel insecure, ‘one-up’ you, or turn the conversation into something about her. She’s jealous of your success, beauty, personality or social status.
“I love Tina but after several years I realized I had to distance myself. Every time we spoke she was negative and angry. She asked to borrow money, and I agreed, but it became a continual request and she never attempted to pay me back. So I started saying no. I felt drained just being around her. It didn’t seem from my point of view that she was doing anything to improve her situation, which was frustrating.
Jan references a Negative-Difficult Frenemy who’s combative, dramatic, and objects to everything. She’s a ‘Debbie-Downer’ that looks for things to be upset over. Nothing is ever right and she’ll let you know, by complaining loudly. She never wants to hear how you’re doing, only to voice what she’s feeling.
So wow! We’re almost to the end of the list. Are you curious to learn more? Stay tuned, in two weeks, for the last blog in this series as I dive into the remaining frenemy personalities.
You already are. It’s time TO BE.♥️
I say that it’s time to be different. It’s time to talk about female frenemies.
⁉️Interested in learning how ‘female rivalry’ impacts the workplace? 🎉DOWNLOAD my FREE .pdf guide, ‘5 Reasons WHY Good Women Walk’ to learn more!